Episode 111 |

Finding Your Relationship Style and a Love that Lasts: Dr. Pat Allen

Subscribe Free on these Platforms

This Week’s Guest:

Romantic relationships are both infinitely complex and incredibly simple. There are four types of men and four types of women, making it simple for an expert to predict what sort of partner you might look for based on your personality and current life stage. Based on these patterns of attraction,  we can identify our current roles and shift into becoming real men and real ladies.


Dr. Pat Allen, a relationship expert and transactional analyst, joins me on today’s show to explore these concepts in depth. She offers no-holds-barred relationship advice that’s full of value whether you’re currently single or in a relationship. Pat has been featured on Oprah several times and is the author of Getting to “I Do”. Tune into the show for more on who she is, what she does, and how much value she can offer!

Find Out More About Pat Here:

Dr. Pat Allen’s radio show
@DrPat_Allen on Twitter
DrPatAllen2 on Facebook

In This Episode:

  • [01:30] – What is Dr. Pat’s definition of a real man? In her answer, she talks about the relation between wanting to be respected and cherished, and how they relate to masculinity and femininity.
  • [04:07] – The male soul is called the anima, and the female soul is called the animus, Dr. Pat explains. She then discusses how this relates to same-sex relationships.
  • [06:04] – The more masculine person knows what he wants, whereas the more feminine person knows what she doesn’t want. Pat then offers two pledges: a masculine one and a feminine one.
  • [08:02] – Pat talks about genius, explaining that it’s “information before education.”
  • [09:05] – We learn about betas and alphas. Betas are new souls and alphas are old souls, Pat explains. She then discusses the four styles of men: feminine men, monk men, sugar daddies, and real men.
  • [11:35] – Stephan brings up the topic of relationships built on convenience.
  • [15:21] – Pat explains that she is a transactional analyst, not a psychoanalyst.
  • [16:12] – What are the women’s counterparts for the four types of men that Pat has described? They’re claw women (for sugar daddies), the none (for the monk), Wendy (for Peter Pan), and the real lady (for the real man).
  • [18:32] – Pat explains why it’s important not to have sex without commitment. She discusses broken-heart syndrome (Takotsubo cardiomyopathy).
  • [21:52] – What form should the commitment required before sex take?
  • [24:55] – Stephan brings up a study in which women smelled men’s t-shirts to assess their compatibility.
  • [26:28] – Pat discusses what form of commitment the feminine woman should be asking for from the masculine man, and how he should present his interest in a way that’s not jumping in too fast. She then offers the locations and times for her workshops.
  • [29:22] – What’s the significance of cognitive behavioral therapy? Pat answers, then discusses the fact that she records all of her sessions and why the words you use really matter.
  • [35:16] – Whoever carries the most yin has the veto right, Pat explains.
  • [36:00] – One step listeners can take immediately is to go to Pat’s website and get either her A Lifetime of Love series or Want Training for Effective Living.
  • [37:28] – How has Pat’s amazing work shown up in her own relationship? She discusses how dramatically she has changed her life and shares a photo with Stephan.
  • [40:21] – Stephan shares his own transformation with Pat.
  • [41:25] – Pat wraps things up by asking Stephan what he learned from her today.


Links and Resources:



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *